News in Nothingness

According to In Touch Weekly, Tara Reid narrowly evaded arrest several weeks ago. That's right, she had a breast reduction.

Hopefully while she was in there she also removed that hideous areola-scar that made me proclaim I would never masturbate again, then quickly change that to "never masturbate to that picture of Tara Reid", then make an even quicker change to "never masturbate to that part of that picture.

Also, lately there have been a few photoshopped pictures of Lindsay Lohan's vagina. To me, this is very strange. I don't find vaginas to be all that attractive. Sure, I love the feeling, and I feel an incredible pull towards it, but when it comes down to it, I'd much rather look at some T and/or A than a vagina. Especially one of a redhead because they creep me out. Plus, us Mormon's believe that freckles are a punishment just a step below what he gave the American Indians.